Yuffie's Dreadful Dollhouse of DOOM
by Chocobo Mog
Summary: What happens when yuffie gets a great idea and a mini materia. 'barbie' is assassinated on her wedding day. the family cat has an affair with the family car. the family car is out for blood. all hell just broke loose.


(italics is thoughts)  
  
( -dashes mean actions-   
  
WARNING: lots of ooc-ness!!  
  
~~The story starts when Yuffie had a great idea...~~  
  
Yuffie: Hey...Guys..I have a great idea!!!  
  
Cid: I've had enough of your GREAT ideas for my life time thank you  
  
Vincent: -was staring out the window greaving over unkown things-  
  
Yuffie: What?? why do you guys have to be so mean to me? It's not like I'm hurting anyone! -pouts-  
  
Aeris: Um...I'm not too sure about that, Yuf.  
  
Cait Sith: Yuffie..so what IS this great idea of yours anyway?  
  
Cloud: God no don't even ask! - Looks up fearfully from his porno magazine-  
  
Yuffie: -smirks- Well...I found this old doll house in the attic and wanted you guys to play dolls with me, that's all :)  
  
Barret: NO WAY!....men don't play with dolls...they play with G.I. Joes.  
  
cloud: O.o...I dont  
  
All other males:..neither do we...  
  
Barret: What ever you pussies!  
  
Tifa: Oh, come on boys..it's not like anyone outside this bunch is gonna know.. -winks at them- please..for me?  
  
Yuffie: -rolls eyes- what ever she says..atleast it'll get 'em to play..  
  
Barret: Fine...as long as I can be Joe.  
  
Cloud:..uh sure what the hell? -Drops his porno magazine and grabs a little boy doll-  
  
Vincent:...I don't know how you can convince me to do such things -grabs ken doll-  
  
Cid:..i ain't got no dolls..so I'll just use my joint.  
  
Red:..-grabs a cat beanie baby-  
  
Aeris: -Grabs the Barbie (tm) doll-  
  
Tifa: -takes the barbie with the biggest chest-  
  
Cait: I WANNA BE THE DOG!! -grabs the dog beanie baby-  
  
Yuffie: -picks up a chocobo toy, then turns her back to the crew and puts the 'mini' and 'all' materia on her weapon then faces the group again- lets play..  
  
Barret: Well where is the doll house?! - Stamps his foot like an ipatient girl-  
  
Yuffie: -takes out her backpack- Upstairs... but i need to do something first.. XD  
  
Aeris: Yuffie, may I ask what you are going to do?  
  
Yuffie: You'll find out soon enough -uses mini on all of the people except herself and stuffs them into her backpack, and goes on her way to....THE DOLL HOUSE OF DOOM! -  
  
~~In Yuffie's backpack~~  
  
Vincent: -tyring to rip through the backpacks material with his claw but it's no use- Damn these *L.L Bean back packs!...They're so tough and rugged -starts to sound like a T.V. advertiser- They will last years and year of shcool work. hiking -starts to speek faster- and they will cost you only 5 easy payments of 99.99 offer void where prohibited. Sold in particiapting stores only. Offer not valid in Maine, Califonia, or Mars. See store for details.  
  
Cid :-slaps Vincent- you watch tooo much T.V.  
  
~~at the doll house of doom~~  
  
- the sky goes black for a moment and theres a lightning flash outside of the window, then the day returns to normal once Yuffie sits down-  
  
Yuffie: -dumps them out of the backpack and puts them in the doll house- Okay..here's the deal.. We play doll house. I am the puppet master and you are my puppets. -laughs evilly-  
  
Aeris: I still get to be Barbie (tm) right??  
  
Yuffie: yes you get to be barbie..but only if you stop saying TM AFTER EVERY TIME YOU SAY THE DAMN NAME OF THE DOLL YOU'RE GOING TO BE!  
  
Aeris: -wimpers- okay, yes ma'am!  
  
Vincent:..and if we refuse-- -is cut off by cloud-  
  
Cloud: COOL! -runs up to the victorian styled doll house-  
  
Cid: Whoa..i wish i lived in a place that mother-fucking god damned crapy shitty doggie damned - takes a drink of water- fuck-faced slutty-bitch inhabited place that..what was I saying...oh well, what ever. -takes a drag off the joint that's about as big as he is- THATS SOME HELLA TIGHT SHIT THERE! oh, nice house by the way.  
  
Vincent:..idiots..  
  
Yuffie: well, you live here now. Let me state your roles. Vincent, you are the 'dad' Aeris, you're 'mom', cloud, you're 'the annoying little brother', tifa, you are 'the bitchy sister in heat' cait sith, 'the dog', red the 'cat'...barret, you're 'the perverted baby-sitter' and cid..well..i'll give you a role later.  
  
Cid: heheheh..i get a role later...Hey...i'll just be over here smokin' my huge-ass joint if you need me.  
  
Yuffie: yes..anyway. It's a sunny spring day, just before Mr. Valentine's and Ms. Gainsbourough, (soon to be mrs. valentine) wedding--  
  
Vincent: HELL NO!! IM NOT MARRYING AERIS!!  
  
Aeris: Excuse me, Vincent..what did i do wrong??? -pouts-  
  
Yuffie: SHUDDUP! -puts vincent in a tuxedo and aeris in a wedding dress- now, you may kiss the bride!!  
  
Vincent: KISS THIS! -puts pink lipstick on the chibi-death penalty and shoots aeris in the head-  
  
Yuffie: o.o what did you kill barbie for?  
  
Vincent: To get the life insurance! she WAS insured..right?  
  
Yuffie: no...but i'll pay you anyway..-gives him some chibi-monoply money-  
  
Vincent: What is the meaning of this? you fool!! -goes into a corner and brudes-  
  
-a chibi-sephiroth runs by and picks up aeris, and wipes down all the blood-   
  
Sephiroth: Jus' taking out the trash!!  
  
Yuffie: um..okay..now..vincent, you just bought a family car with your insurance money!  
  
Vincent: I OBJECT!  
  
Yuffie: over-ruled!  
  
Vincent: who are you? Judge Judy?  
  
Yuffie: no. now..to find your family car...  
  
Cloud: NO!! not my Apollo!!...  
  
Yuffie: -soon returns with a very confused mini-gold chocobo- This is your car.  
  
-paints 'just married' on his ass-  
  
Vincent: who am i married to? barbie girl there died..and tifa's my er..kid..  
  
Yuffie: Him! -puts Cid infront of Vincent-  
  
Cid: Hey there baby! i guess we're married now isnt that grrreeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaat??? let's go on our honey moon!  
  
Yuffie: not yet..you need the wedding ceremony first! and guess what vincey, you get to be the bride!!   
  
Vincent: NOOOO!!  
  
Yuffie: -dresses him up in a pink dress and fixes his hair- ohh yess...  
  
Cid: hey there baby! -changed into a black tuxedo-  
  
Vincent: did you get high?  
  
Cid: yeah..i just got into a fight again..  
  
Yuffie: WITH WHO???  
  
-the chibi sephiroth is laying a bloody mess in a corner-  
  
Yuffie: wait here..i gotta fix that.. -. -  
  
Cloud: -runs around yelling- IM A FLOWER GIRL!! ^_^  
  
Yuffie: -taps cloud on the head with a pencil, knocking him out- no no no..gotte be good now XD. Ok..time for the wedding! i'll just prented you both said 'i do' and..-makes them kiss- TA-DA! you're married! now you can go and have you honey-  
  
Cid: HONEY MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOn!  
  
Vincent: o.o;;; -washing his mouth with mouth wash-  
  
Yuffie: -puts them on the chocobo and and 'makes the chocobo walk into her backpack' - OK..now..tifa and cloud, you cant be left alone so you need a baby-sitter!!  
  
-sets barret in the house- He's your new baby sitter!  
  
Barret: hey baby...wana come over here and gimme a lap-dance??  
  
Tifa: o.o no thanks, i'd rather not..  
  
Barret: Well im your baby sitter and you have to listen to me! so come here an gimme a friggen lap dance!  
  
Tifa: o.o; FINE! -gives barret a lap dance-  
  
Barret: I'm your baby sitter! hell yeah! oh yeah! thats right baby!  
  
Cloud: o.o;; uh...um...uhh....sis?? can i have one too?  
  
Barret: as your baby sitter, you have to give that kid one too!..but i get to watch!  
  
Tifa: ....  
  
Cloud: come on!! i'm ready!!  
  
Yuffie: tifa...don't be shy..  
  
Tifa: .....  
  
Yuffie: Incest is good.  
  
Tifa: -gives cloud a lap dance-  
  
Cloud: -gets a bit toooo excited-  
  
Tifa: cloud..did you wet yourself??  
  
Cloud: uh..uh...yeah!! -runs up to his room and masturbates- ohh..yeah...tifa...ohh..  
  
Tifa: ....  
  
Barret: AS! your baby sitter i think its time i cook you dinner. After you gimme another lap dance.  
  
Tifa: ....  
  
Barret: as your baby sitter i say you talk more!  
  
Tifa: ... I SAY YOU AS THE BABY YOU FUCKIN SITTING YOU GET YOUR HORNY ASS OVER HERE AND GIVE ME A GOD-DAMNED LAP DANCE!  
  
Barret: as your baby sit-  
  
Tifa: -slap- SHUT UP!! already..  
  
Yuffie: o.o...  
  
~~the other side of the house~~  
  
Sephiroth: -putting the mail in the mail box. is in a postal man outfit-  
  
Cait: -runs up to him and jumps on him- GIRRRRR!!   
  
Sephiroth: ahh. its a dog. oh my.  
  
Cait: -humps his arm-  
  
Sephiroth: o.o;; oh good dog...  
  
Cait: arff!! arf!!  
  
Sephiroth: -kisses cait- i wish to endure in sexual activities with you!  
  
Cait: o.o;;  
  
Red: -pops up- And thats how it all started. Did you readers (that made it this far) notice that I got heardly any lines! Its unfair! Its not right!! Call my lawyer call my agent...CALL MY MOMMY!! By the way..if you read this and enjoyed it please review. Only when the authors recive reviews they will type up the next chapter for you to read...well then..that is all for the house of doom..  
  
Chocobo: wark!! wark!!! WARKKK! war awar warrkkk.....  
  
translater: How do you think i feel? i got 'just married' panted on my ASS! please review so i can get my revengee....  
  
Chocobo: MUAHAHAHA..er...WARKWARK!!  
  
- X-files music plays then gets cut off-  
  
*L.L. Bean is a big ware house store for sporting things. (clothes, backpacks, hiking things..etc) 


End file.
